You know you're a Montrealer when....

[ProposMontréal]

Tiré de Facebook pensez que vous êtes un Anglais de Montréal. (les seul anglais que j'aime bien )

 

You Know You're A Montrealer When?

 

you have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before

we get to the dep."

 

your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

 

you understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,'

'francophone,' and 'allophone.'

 

you agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel.

 

the most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on

a red.

 

you know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation.

 

in moments of paranoia, you think that there's no red line on the Metro

because red is a federalist colour.

 

you have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from

St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.

 

you refer to Tremblant as "up North."

 

you know how to pronounce Pie IX.

 

you have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis."

 

you believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul -

but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your

classmates live there now.

 

you greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met

once a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.

 

you know at least one person who works for the CBC, and at least one

other person who used to work for Nortel.

 

you know what a four-and-a-half is.

 

you're not impressed with hardwood floors.

 

you've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.

 

you can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true

for at least 25 years.

 

you cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.

 

you get Bowser & Blue.

 

you were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.

 

Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and

PFK is finger lickin' good.

 

you really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.

 

for two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado.

 

you need to be reminded by prominent signage that

you should wait for the green light.

 

everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think

they're immortal, and that you'll move first.

 

you're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai

Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...

 

and, you consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy

Lafleur, Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too.

 

you know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.

 

you know the apocryphal story of the fat lady at Eaton's.

 

you miss apostrophes.

 

you've seen Brother Andre's heart.

 

no matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux tourtes."

 

you know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

 

you measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.

 

you show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.

 

April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordon or Gowan).

 

you know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to

North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de

Burgh.

 

you don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.

 

you have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never

been in grade 12.

 

the margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.

 

every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba.

 

you never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose

cousin or something dated him.

 

there has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in less than 24

hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.

 

you remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

 

you used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.

 

you know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on

centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned

whores (aka Les Filles du Roi).

 

you don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent.

 

you've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee

Scottish hats.

 

you discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.

 

You encounter bilingual homeless people.

 

While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that "Vienna"

is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and that the

"The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.

 

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on

how good your English is.

 

You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA

system, no matter what the language.

 

You think of Old Montreal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced

restaurants, old buildings and badly paved streets.

 

You understand that La Fete Nationale is not a celebration of "Quebec's birthday".

 

You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even remotely funny.

 

You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown.

 

you like your pizza all-dressed

 

How about Montrealers' resistance to winter boots? No matter how much snow there is, you'll still find people walking around in running shoes.(Mara Inniss)

 

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on how good your English is. ( Laura Weinstein)

 

esti calisse de tabarnaque!

Never mind swearing in french; swearing in quebecer is like wiping your ass with silk! (Audrey March)

 

You can order a cheeseburger in three different languages... and never ask "hey, where's the ketchup?" (Michael Langlais)

 

You have no patience for nonsense about NY bagels being world-famous except that Montreal bagels are better and more world-famous.

 

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

 

Your parents drive at 120km/h through 13 feet of snow during a blizzard, without flinching.

 

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

 

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

 

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction. )

 

You know what a "dillalo burger" is.

 

You know difference between smoked meat and Schwartz's.

 

You care more about which habs player isn't playing well than the current world events.

 

You know what a Depaneur is.

 

When 1/4 mil + people know a single homeless guy.

 

you go into a grocery store in another province and don't understand why they don't have alcohol.

 

when someone asked for directions to get to the metro/train in downtown, we all say "If you see the super sex sign, you've gone too far." (Helene Legault)

 

You expect there to be a dollarama walking distance from anywhere....and if there isn't there should be.

 

when everyone in the room's first language is english but you still watch the habs on RDS on saturday nights 'cause you can't stand the CBC announcers

 

When you think Georges-Vanier is just an optical illusion 'cause you've never seen anyone get on or off

 

You know you're a montrealer when your parents still refer to Dorchester and you know which street they're referring to

 

You say Métro instead of subway.

 

You know ur a montrealer when you smell weed as often as cigarettes.

 

You know ur a montrealer when you can walk down ste - catherine while smoking a joint

 

You know ur a montrealer when a cop politely asks you to put out your joint.

 

you remember that Belmont Park was WAY better than Laronde.

 

when at the first sign of +9 celcius, your ass is outside on any terrasse having sangria (Alli Cat)

 

you know you're a montrealer when you're not surprised to see 100s of cars honking with portuguese, italian, etc. flags, because you know they just won a football game. (Carolyn Hance)

 

When you're constantly defending Canada to Quebecers, and Quebec to the rest of your Canadian friends. (Mark Ordonselli)

 

When it's -15 with 30cm on the ground and you still think " hmm, maybe I'll take my bike" (Ken Roy)

 

when you remember that Pierrette's was THE depanneur -and there was no such thing as Couche Tard (Lori McKenna)

 

No matter what concert it is you always end up cheering "Ole Ole Ole Ole" to get the band back on stage for an encore. As if you were at a soccer game.

 

when, in winter, you can go to work, have a bite, go shopping, see a movie and come back home without ever seeing the daylight.

 

When you think that Mont-Royal is actually a mountain. (Brittany France)

 

when you find it normal that "Guy" exit off the 720 doesn't take you to "Guy" street... and neither does the "Atwater" exit!! (Audrey Gutierrez)

 

When the surname of President Vladimir Putin sounds funny however you pronounce it. (Ka Lun Sze)

 

You were more upset for Youppi possibly being put into retirement than you were for the Expos' departure (although that was lethal too).

 

You try to start the "ole" chant even when Montreal teams aren't involved.

[ChrisDVD]

Tiré de Facebook pensez que vous êtes un Anglais de Montréal. (les seul anglais que j'aime bien )

 

You Know You're A Montrealer When?

 

you know what a four-and-a-half is.

 

you know the apocryphal story of the fat lady at Eaton's.

 

no matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux tourtes."

 

you know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

 

 

You know what a "dillalo burger" is.

 

You know difference between smoked meat and Schwartz's.

 

 

 

Je suis d'accord avec la plus par mais les celle en haut... je ne les 'catch' pas

[controleman1]

You know what a "dillalo burger" is.

 

haha c'est la meilleure!

[ProposMontréal]

you know what a four-and-a-half is.

 

Seulement au Québec que l'on compte la salle de bain, en anglais tu vas chercher un 1 bedroom pour un 3 et demi ou un 2 bedroom pour un 4 et demi.

 

you know the apocryphal story of the fat lady at Eaton's.

C'est une vieille histoire avant la Révolution tranquille quand Eaton's était juste en anglais, Il y avait une grosse anglaise qui refussait de sevir les francophones, "Lesser population"

 

no matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux tourtes."

Les anglos ne sont simplement pas capapble de le dire

 

You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

Ben la??

 

You know what a "dillalo burger" is.

C'est un burger joint des années 80, on aurait pu dire Vincent SousMarin ou Normand Patate.

 

You know difference between smoked meat and Schwartz's.

Un Smoked Meat c'est ça qu'ils te servent chez Nickels, Schwartz c'est dans une ligue à part, tu pourras pas comprendre tant et aussi longtemps que tu n'auras pas manger un Schwartz's.

[yarabundi]

Presque tous sont comiques. J'ai bien ri !!

[ChrisDVD]

merci BruB!

[peekay]

when everyone in the room's first language is english but you still watch the habs on RDS on saturday nights 'cause you can't stand the CBC announcers

.

.

.

When you're constantly defending Canada to Quebecers, and Quebec to the rest of your Canadian friends.

 

How true