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some of you might have already seen this, but a friend posted this on facebook and thought it was funny:






• You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mahntreal".

• You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep."

• Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

• You agree that Montréal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel.

• The most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red.

• You know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation.

• You bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone.

• You refer to Tremblant as "up North."

• You know how to pronounce Pie-IX.

• You greet everyone, you meet with a two-cheek kiss.

• You're not impressed with hardwood floors.

• You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years.

• You were drinking café-au-lait before it was latte.

• Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en gros, and PFK is finger lickin' good.

• You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival. For two weeks a year.

• Everyone, – drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists – think they're immortal, and that you'll move first.

• You're proud that Montréal is home of the Great Antonio...

• You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.

• You've seen Brother André's heart.

• No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "île aux tourtes."

• You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

• You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.

• You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.

• You know that Montréal is responsible for introducing to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat.

• You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.

• You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never been in grade 12.

• There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in 24 hours to consider it too snowy to drive.

• You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

• You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.

• You know that your city's reputation is for beautiful women.

• You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.

• "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.

• You find it amusing when people from outside Québec compliment you on how good your English is.

• You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Métro PA system.

• You think of Old Montréal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced restaurants, old buildings.

• You understand that La Fête Nationale is not a celebration of "Québec's birthday"

• You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even remotely funny.

• You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown.

• You know the words to the national anthem in French.

• You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

• You use a down comforter in the summer.

• Your parents drive at 120km/h through 13 feet of snow during a blizzard, without flinching.

• You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

• You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

• You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

• You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent.

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C'est bon! J'ai pas d'amis anglophones ici à Montréal, alors ça m'a fait découvrir des manières de voir que je connaissais pas.


Mais y en a deux que je comprend pas : celle sur les planchers en bois franc et celle sur l'île aux Tourtes.


Bref, ça m'a fait bien rire.

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Celle sur les planchers de bois franc fait référence au fait que beaucoup d'appartement à Montréal ont des planchers de bois-franc, ce qui n'est pas le cas ailleurs en Am du nord.


ah bon, j'savais pas. qu'est-ce qu'ils ont alors comme plancher? du tapis? pis l'île aux Tourtes? Quelqu'un a une idée pourquoi c'est bizarre. À part que c'est une espèce d'oiseaux disparue pis que ça a donné le nom aux tourtières (je pense du moins, corrigez moi si c'est pas le cas), j'vois rien de particulier aux tourtes.

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Oui, la majorité des condos et des appartements c'est du tapis. 50-100 ans passées, du plancher de bois franc ça faisait "pauvre". Alors qu'aujourd'hui c'est le contraire. Donc les logements de contrées anglophones n'ont jamais eu de plancher de bois franc comme "standard".

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