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Found 12 results

  1. What do you think of these Hamiltonians claiming to make better Montreal-style bagels than Montrealers? The guy hasn't even eaten a St-Viateur bagel! Article from the Montreal Gazette
  2. some of you might have already seen this, but a friend posted this on facebook and thought it was funny: YOU KNOW YOUR FROM MONTREAL WHEN : • You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mahntreal". • You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep." • Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket. • You agree that Montréal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel. • The most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red. • You know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation. • You bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone. • You refer to Tremblant as "up North." • You know how to pronounce Pie-IX. • You greet everyone, you meet with a two-cheek kiss. • You're not impressed with hardwood floors. • You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years. • You were drinking café-au-lait before it was latte. • Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en gros, and PFK is finger lickin' good. • You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival. For two weeks a year. • Everyone, – drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists – think they're immortal, and that you'll move first. • You're proud that Montréal is home of the Great Antonio... • You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics. • You've seen Brother André's heart. • No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "île aux tourtes." • You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ. • You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure. • You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet. • You know that Montréal is responsible for introducing to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat. • You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks. • You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never been in grade 12. • There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in 24 hours to consider it too snowy to drive. • You remember where you were during the Ice Storm. • You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi. • You know that your city's reputation is for beautiful women. • You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather. • "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67. • You find it amusing when people from outside Québec compliment you on how good your English is. • You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Métro PA system. • You think of Old Montréal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced restaurants, old buildings. • You understand that La Fête Nationale is not a celebration of "Québec's birthday" • You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even remotely funny. • You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown. • You know the words to the national anthem in French. • You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. • You use a down comforter in the summer. • Your parents drive at 120km/h through 13 feet of snow during a blizzard, without flinching. • You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. • You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. • You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction. • You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent.
  3. http://www.boston.com/travel/destinations/2013/03/10/search-the-perfect-bagel-montreal/W6wUPos6bHvcOPGTrjPoiO/story.html 2e partie de l'article:
  4. Have Some Champagne With That Brisket? Montreal is just bubbling with Jewish culture November 08, 2007 Kathy Shorr Jewish Exponent Feature Ever since the Parti Quebeçois came to power three decades ago, bringing with it greater nationalism and stricter language laws favoring French, it's been easy to feel uneasy about Jewish life in Montreal. The Jewish community has shrunk from a high of about 120,000 before that 1976 election, to just under 100,000 now. Many who left were the younger, well-educated postwar generation of Ashkenazi descent, who had been educated primarily in English. (Barred from attending the Catholic, French-speaking schools, they'd attended the English-speaking Protestant ones.) But come to Montreal today, and you'll find a Jewish world that feels more vital than many American communities with comparably-sized communities. You can see live Yiddish theater, visit a new world-class Holocaust center and sample kosher restaurants serving everything from Chinese food to Moroccan chicken tagine. The Jewish community in Montreal is one of the most traditional in North America. According to a report by B'nai B'rith Canada's Institute for International Affairs, the community has a remarkably low intermarriage rate (less than 7 percent) and a remarkably high rate of religious observance (50 percent keep kosher). At roughly the same time that wave of Ashkenazi Jews left, about 20,000 Sephardic, French-speaking Jews arrived -- most of them coming from North Africa, especially Morocco. And with a continuing influx of Jewish immigrants, including as many as 10,000 Russian Jews in recent years, the city has maintained a vibrant Jewish culture that is now about 25 percent Sephardic. In Search of 'Duddy' Visitors looking for signs of Jewish life have several sections of the city to explore. Anyone interested in history will want to go to the Mile End neighborhood, the setting for Mordecai Richler's famous novel The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz. Just east of Mount Royal Park is a five-street-wide area between the Avenue du Parc and the Boulevard Saint-Laurent -- the Jewish neighborhood for much of the first half of the 20th century. The old neighborhood was increasingly abandoned after the war, as Jews started to make their way out to the suburbs. But Mile End is still home to a large Chasidic community. And it still looks a lot like it did when Richler wrote about going to Tansky's store for a package of Sen-Sen. The rowhouses remain, with their outside staircases and little balconies. And some of the old haunts, like Moishe's Steakhouse and Schwartz's Montreal Hebrew Delicatessen, are open for business as usual. The Montreal Holocaust Memorial Centre People come to Moishe's for the best steaks in town, while Schwartz's long, narrow dining room teems with crowded tables of patrons ordering sandwiches piled with smoked beef. Several blocks north is the St. Viateur Bagel Shop, celebrating its 50th anniversary. It is open day and night, 24/7, and regularly wins the prize for best bagels in Montreal -- as much for the atmosphere as for the bagels themselves. You can see the flames coming out of the wood-burning brick oven, and watch the bagels being pulled out on a long-handled tray and then dumped into a long, sloping bin. They still use the same recipe from 100 years ago -- hand-rolling the bagels and dropping them into boiling water for five minutes before baking. And forget about cinnamon-raisin or chocolate-chip bagels: It's sesame or poppyseed, and that's it! For a completely different scene, head west out Côte St. Catherine Road to Snowdon, a neighborhood of duplex and split-level homes, where many Jews moved after the war. There, you'll find a small campus of Jewish community and religious organizations and cultural groups. The Segal Centre for Performing Arts at the Saidye Bronfman Centre mounts plays of both general and Jewish interest, including an annual play in Yiddish. Montreal has the largest Holocaust-survivor population in Canada; across the street from the Saidye Bronfman are the Jewish Public Library and the Montreal Holocaust Memorial Centre, with 5,000 square feet of exhibit space. The library sponsors all kinds of lectures, readings, films, and live-music and other events for both residents and visitors. A few blocks south of Côte St. Catherine Road is the commercial Queen Mary Road, which feels something like the way Mile End must have felt a few generations ago. There are charcuteries (delis that specialize in meats) where everything is labeled only in Russian, with vats of sweet-and-sour cabbage and trays of whole smoked fish and caviar. There's Israeli fast-food at Chez Benny and kosher pizza by the Snowdon metro station. Cell phones ring, voices chatting in French and Arabic more often than in Yiddish. Yes, indeed, Jewish life in Montreal has changed, but remains alive and well. For more information, go to: www. tourisme-montreal.org.
  5. Le samedi 17 mars 2007 Photo Martin Chamberland, La Presse La guerre des bagels n'aura pas lieu Michel Marois La Presse Originaire d'Europe de l'Est, le bagel est devenu par une véritable spécialité montréalaise. Deux institutions commerciales, St-Viateur Bagel Shop et la maison de l'Original Fairmount Bagel, sont reconnues partout en Amérique, et les mordus sont nombreux à faire la file devant l'une ou l'autre à toute heure du jour et de la nuit. Mais qui fabrique le meilleur bagel ? Depuis quelques années, une ou deux fois par mois le samedi matin, ma fille et moi répétons un rituel familial. Hiver comme été, nous sortons sans faire de bruit et partons en direction de la rue Saint-Viateur pour nous rendre chez St-Viateur Bagel. Nous y passons de longues minutes, observant les artisans qui préparent et roulent la pâte, guettant le four à bois et le préposé qui manie sa longue planche avec une belle dextérité. Immanquablement, en plus de notre commande familiale, Louna demande un bagel aux graines de sésame et, souvent, le personnel du comptoir lui en fait cadeau. Nous n'avons jamais oublié un samedi d'hiver et de tempête quand, la fabrique étant moins achalandée, le préposé au four s'était amusé à faire virevolter les bagels de sa planche au grand bac de bois où sont conservées les dernières fournées. Pour nous, il n'y a pas de meilleur bagel au monde. C'est donc avec un peu d'étonnement que nous avons lu dans des quotidiens anglophones, il y a quelques semaines, qu'un jury canadien avait décrété que les meilleurs bagels du pays étaient bien fabriqués dans le Mile End, mais plutôt chez Fairmount Bagel, une autre vieille fabrique située une rue plus au sud. Nous sommes donc partis, un beau samedi matin, mener notre enquête pour déterminer, une fois pour toute, quel était le meilleur bagel. Retour dans le passé Entrer dans La Maison de l'original Fairmount Bagel offre un saisissant retour dans le passé. Les panneaux de bois des murs portent la marque des années et le comptoir se présente comme un guichet qui n'est pas sans rappeler les vieux bureaux de poste. Des panneaux vitrés et des cages permettent de voir les bagels, mais il faut placer sa commande au comptoir. Le petit hall - où l'on retrouve aussi des frigos pleins de saumon fumé, fromage à la crème et autres «produits dérivés» du bagel - est vite achalandé et il est fréquent de voir la file d'attente se prolonger sur le trottoir, même la nuit. Les artisans, nombreux, travaillent un peu à l'abri des regards mais il y a beaucoup d'animation et la production est continue. Nous optons évidemment pour des bagels traditionnels aux grains de sésame. Première constatation, ils sont semblables à ceux de la rue Saint-Viateur. La croûte est dorée et bien craquante, la mie est odorante et bien chaude. Une bouchée confirme cette impression : voilà un bien bon bagel. Quelques pâtés de maisons plus au nord, nous voilà devant le St-Viateur Bagel Shop. En fait, il y a deux fabriques dans la rue. L'originale est située au numéro 263, du côté nord, près de l'avenue du Parc. La seconde est établie au numéro 158 et elle produit surtout des bagels pour le réseau de distribution, même si elle demeure ouverte au public, 24 heures sur 24 et sept jours sur sept. La fabrique originale est une grande salle ouverte, avec le four à bois et le comptoir au fond, l'aire de préparation à gauche et le secteur des clients à droite, le long de l'inévitable rangée de frigos. L'ambiance est très conviviale et les vieux clients sont souvent engagés dans des conversations avec l'un ou l'autre des employés. On peut observer à volonté les artisans et ceux-ci n'hésitent pas à expliquer leur travail. Au comptoir, nous plaçons la même commande : «six sésame». La préposée lance un clin d'oeil à Louna : «Tu en veux un pour toi?» en lui tendant un petit sac qui contient le fameux bagel. «C'est certain qu'ils ont le meilleur service...» déclare ma fille, en sortant de la fabrique. «Peut-être, mais tu n'es pas très neutre.» Louna a déjà englouti une grosse bouchée. La croûte est parfaite, la mie pas trop dense; un bagel comme on les aime. Le gagnant? Montréal! Alors? St-Viateur Bagel par K.O.? Ce serait évidemment présomptueux et injuste. La vérité est que chacune des deux fabriques a ses inconditionnels et que toutes deux entretiennent autant de complicité que d'amicales rivalités. Joe Morena, le propriétaire de St-Viateur Bagel, estime d'ailleurs que le plus important est bien que ce soit les bagels de Montréal qui aient triomphé. Les deux entreprises prospèrent et ont entrepris depuis quelques années de belles diversifications. Les fils de M. Morena ont ouvert des fabriques-cafés sur le Plateau et dans N.D.G. Les produits des deux fabriques sont de plus en plus disponibles dans les boutiques d'alimentation et les grandes surfaces, même à l'extérieur de Montréal. Et on se presse encore à toutes heures du jour et de la nuit, rues Fairmount et Saint-Viateur, pour déguster les meilleurs bagels du monde. «Alors Papa, qui a gagné?» demande Louna. «C'est nous Louna, c'est nous.» __________________________ ST. VIATEUR BAGEL SHOP 263, Saint-Viateur Ouest Montréal, 514-276-8044 ______________________________-- LA MAISON DE L'ORIGINAL FAIRMOUNT BAGEL 74, Fairmount Ouest Montréal, 514-272-0667 DEUX INSTITUTIONS St-Viateur Bagel Shop Le St-Viateur Bagel Shop a été fondé en 1957 par Meyer Lewkowick. Originaire d'Europe de l'Est, il travaillait dans des boulangeries et avait amené dans ses bagages les recettes et les techniques de cuisson traditionnelles de ses ancêtres. Avec un ami, il s'est installé dans un quartier multiethnique et au coeur d'une importante communauté hassidique. La petite boulangerie artisanale s'est rapidement imposée, avec sa devanture typique, comme l'une des destinations incontournables de la vie folklorique et contemporaine de Montréal. Le propriétaire actuel, Joe Morena, a commencé à travailler dans la fabrique en 1962, à l'âge de 14 ans. Même si l'entreprise s'est diversifiée, avec des cafés et une distribution dans les grandes surfaces et sur Internet, les bagels sont encore roulés à la main et cuits dans un four à bois. Et la fabrique originale de la rue Saint-Viateur ne produit encore que des bagels aux graines de sésame et de pavot, les seules variétés qui existaient il y a 50 ans. _______________________________ La maison de L'Original Fairmount Bagel C'est en 1919, qu'Isadore Shlafman a ouvert la première boulangerie de bagels à Montréal, dans une ruelle près du boulevard Saint-Laurent. Originaire de Pologne, Shlafman fut donc le premier à faire découvrir aux Montréalais les bagels façonnés à la main et cuits au four à bois. En 1949, Isadore a déménagé dans la rue Fairmount. Lui et sa famille vivaient à l'étage d'un cottage, pendant que la fabrique occupait le rez-de-chaussée. Son fils Jack a appris à son tour l'art de préparer les bagels et s'est joint à l'entreprise. Signe des temps, de nouvelles variétés de bagels sont régulièrement introduites, mais les descendants du fondateur qui gèrent encore l'entreprise n'approuvent leur vente que lorsque leur texture et leur consistance atteignent les standards fixés il y a plusieurs décennies par le grand-père Isadore.
  6. http://sandiego.eater.com/2015/2/2/7963755/real-deal-montreal-style-bagels-poutine-for-hillcrest Our beloved Eater Street Team spotted a sign posted on a Hillcrest storefront at 142 University Avenue, Suite C and asked us to sleuth out the story behind the Montreal style authentic poutine and bagels being advertised as coming soon. Mess Royale Poutine & Bagels will in fact serve the real thing when it opens in March— hand-rolled St-Viateur Bagels from the legendary bagel bakery whose flagship store is located in the Mile End neighborhood of Montreal. The new Hillcrest eatery will be receiving shipments of the bagels, which are boiled in honey water then cooked in a wood fired oven, three times a week. Owner Hugo Tassone says that initially, the bagels will be used as bread for sandwiches and offered with cream cheese or butter for breakfast before being able to be purchased by the dozen. Tassone, who hails from Eastern Canada, has a background in food industry and has been visiting San Diego for the last 20 years. He hopes that Mess Royale will be his first of many shops to feature Montreal-inspired gourmet comfort food. Other specialities will include poutine, made with twice-cooked fries, cheese curds and homemade gravy, available as is or topped with everything from bacon to chicken and lobster. There will also be grilled cheese sandwiches, pulled pork sandwiches on brioche buns, four ounces of thick cut bacon on a stick and Montreal-style hot dogs, which come on either a steamed or toasted bun with mustard, relish, onions and a special slaw. For dessert, Mess Royale will serve a "treat royale", also known as a Canadian beavertail, which spreads sweet toppings on a paddle of fried dough.
  7. Tiré de Facebook pensez que vous êtes un Anglais de Montréal. (les seul anglais que j'aime bien ) You Know You're A Montrealer When? you have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep." your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket. you understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,' 'francophone,' and 'allophone.' you agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel. the most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red. you know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation. in moments of paranoia, you think that there's no red line on the Metro because red is a federalist colour. you have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall. you refer to Tremblant as "up North." you know how to pronounce Pie IX. you have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis." you believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul - but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your classmates live there now. you greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss. you know at least one person who works for the CBC, and at least one other person who used to work for Nortel. you know what a four-and-a-half is. you're not impressed with hardwood floors. you've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else. you can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years. you cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names. you get Bowser & Blue. you were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte. Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK is finger lickin' good. you really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival. for two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado. you need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for the green light. everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think they're immortal, and that you'll move first. you're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio... and, you consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy Lafleur, Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too. you know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics. you know the apocryphal story of the fat lady at Eaton's. you miss apostrophes. you've seen Brother Andre's heart. no matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux tourtes." you know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ. you measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure. you show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet. April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordon or Gowan). you know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de Burgh. you don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks. you have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never been in grade 12. the margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard. every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba. you never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose cousin or something dated him. there has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in less than 24 hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive. you remember where you were during the Ice Storm. you used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi. you know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned whores (aka Les Filles du Roi). you don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent. you've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee Scottish hats. you discuss potholes like most people discuss weather. You encounter bilingual homeless people. While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that "Vienna" is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and that the "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67. You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on how good your English is. You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA system, no matter what the language. You think of Old Montreal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced restaurants, old buildings and badly paved streets. You understand that La Fete Nationale is not a celebration of "Quebec's birthday". You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even remotely funny. You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown. you like your pizza all-dressed How about Montrealers' resistance to winter boots? No matter how much snow there is, you'll still find people walking around in running shoes.(Mara Inniss) You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on how good your English is. ( Laura Weinstein) esti calisse de tabarnaque! Never mind swearing in french; swearing in quebecer is like wiping your ass with silk! (Audrey March) You can order a cheeseburger in three different languages... and never ask "hey, where's the ketchup?" (Michael Langlais) You have no patience for nonsense about NY bagels being world-famous except that Montreal bagels are better and more world-famous. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. Your parents drive at 120km/h through 13 feet of snow during a blizzard, without flinching. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction. ) You know what a "dillalo burger" is. You know difference between smoked meat and Schwartz's. You care more about which habs player isn't playing well than the current world events. You know what a Depaneur is. When 1/4 mil + people know a single homeless guy. you go into a grocery store in another province and don't understand why they don't have alcohol. when someone asked for directions to get to the metro/train in downtown, we all say "If you see the super sex sign, you've gone too far." (Helene Legault) You expect there to be a dollarama walking distance from anywhere....and if there isn't there should be. when everyone in the room's first language is english but you still watch the habs on RDS on saturday nights 'cause you can't stand the CBC announcers When you think Georges-Vanier is just an optical illusion 'cause you've never seen anyone get on or off You know you're a montrealer when your parents still refer to Dorchester and you know which street they're referring to You say Métro instead of subway. You know ur a montrealer when you smell weed as often as cigarettes. You know ur a montrealer when you can walk down ste - catherine while smoking a joint You know ur a montrealer when a cop politely asks you to put out your joint. you remember that Belmont Park was WAY better than Laronde. when at the first sign of +9 celcius, your ass is outside on any terrasse having sangria (Alli Cat) you know you're a montrealer when you're not surprised to see 100s of cars honking with portuguese, italian, etc. flags, because you know they just won a football game. (Carolyn Hance) When you're constantly defending Canada to Quebecers, and Quebec to the rest of your Canadian friends. (Mark Ordonselli) When it's -15 with 30cm on the ground and you still think " hmm, maybe I'll take my bike" (Ken Roy) when you remember that Pierrette's was THE depanneur -and there was no such thing as Couche Tard (Lori McKenna) No matter what concert it is you always end up cheering "Ole Ole Ole Ole" to get the band back on stage for an encore. As if you were at a soccer game. when, in winter, you can go to work, have a bite, go shopping, see a movie and come back home without ever seeing the daylight. When you think that Mont-Royal is actually a mountain. (Brittany France) when you find it normal that "Guy" exit off the 720 doesn't take you to "Guy" street... and neither does the "Atwater" exit!! (Audrey Gutierrez) When the surname of President Vladimir Putin sounds funny however you pronounce it. (Ka Lun Sze) You were more upset for Youppi possibly being put into retirement than you were for the Expos' departure (although that was lethal too). You try to start the "ole" chant even when Montreal teams aren't involved.
  8. Montreal Bagels and Smoked Meat in Boston Posted on May 30, 2008 21:37 by Bruce Bilmes & Sue Boyle Categories: Editorial | From The Web | News | Publications Always wanted to try the famed smoked meat of Montreal? The Boston Globe writes that the Walnut Market, in the Boston suburb of Newton, sells fresh and frozen smoked meat direct from Lester's Delicatessen in Montreal. Eight pounds will currently run you $80. That's not all. The famed bagels of St-Viateur (see Michael Stern's photo above) are also sold at the Walnut Market, a buck a piece. Michael Stern, in his Roadfood.com review, says about the bagels that "we came back for more and soon we were addicted, toting four dozen back to the U.S. with us and hoarding them." Well, if you live in the vicinity of Boston, hoard no more! http://www.roadfooddigest.com/post/2008/05/Montreal-Bagels-and-Smoked-Meat-in-Boston.aspx
  9. 1. You pronounce it “Muntreal”, not “Mahntreal”. 2. You have ever said anything like “I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep.” 3. Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket. 4. You understand and frequently use terms like ‘unilingual,’ ‘anglophone,’ ‘francophone,’ and ‘allophone.’ 5. You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you’re secretly proud of their nerves of steel. 6. The most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red light. 7. You know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation. 8. In moments of paranoia, you think that there’s no red line on the Metro because red is a federalist colour. 9. You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz’s and bagels from St-Viateur if you’re visiting anyone west of Cornwall. 10. You refer to Tremblant as “up North.” 11. You know how to pronounce Pie IX. 12. You have an ancient auntie who still says “Saint Dennis.” 13. You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul, but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your classmates live there now. 14. You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss. 15. You know at least one person who works for the CBC, and at least one other person who used to work for Nortel. 16. You know what a four-and-a-half is. 17. You’re not impressed with hardwood floors. 18. You’ve been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else. 19. You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years. 20. You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names. 21. You get Bowser & Blue. 22. You were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte. 23. Shopper’s Drug Mart is Pharmaprix, Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK is finger lickin’ good. 24. You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival. 25. For two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado. 26. You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for the green light. 27. Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think they’re immortal, and that you’ll move first. 28. You’re proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio… 29 .And, you consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy Lafleur, Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too. 30. You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics. 31. You know the apocryphal story of the fat lady at Eaton’s. 32. You miss apostrophes. 33. You’ve seen Brother Andre’s heart. 34. No matter how bilingual you are, you still don’t understand “ile aux tourtes.” 35. You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ. 36. You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure. 37. You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet. 38. April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordon or Gowan). 39. You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de Burgh. 40. You don’t drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks. 41. You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you’ve never been in grade 12. 42. The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard. 43. Every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba. 44. You never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose cousin or something dated him. 45. There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in less than 24 hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive. 46. You remember where you were during the Ice Storm. 47. You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi. 48. You know that your city’s reputation for beautiful women is based on centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned whores (aka Les Filles du Roi). 49. You don’t understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent. 50. You’ve been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee Scottish hats. 51. You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather. 52. You encounter bilingual homeless people. 53. While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that “Vienna” is actually Old Montreal, that “New York” is actually downtown and that the “The Futuristic City” is actually Habitat ‘67. 54. You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on how good your English is. 55. You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA system, no matter what the language. 56. You think of Old Montreal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced restaurants, old buildings and badly paved streets. 57. You understand that La Fête Nationale is not a celebration of “Quebec’s birthday”. 58. You don’t find American comedians speaking “gibberish” French even remotely funny. 59. You don’t find it weird that there’s a strip club on every corner downtown. 60. You like your pizza all-dressed 61. You say Métro instead of subway. 62. You only speak English, yet you suddenly realize you have no clue what a “depanneur” is called in English